Sunday, June 3, 2012

Top 4 things you should never say to an Intended Parent, especially not an Intended Mom

  1. "Have you talked to the mother lately?"  - I AM THE MOTHER!!! YOU ARE CURRENTLY SPEAKING WITH HER!  If you are referring to our surrogate, yes, I've spoken to her and she is doing fine.  But to clarify, she's not the mother.  (This was said to me yesterday from my mother-in-law.  I wanted to punch her.)
  2. "So how much are you spending to buy this baby?"  - Seriously!  Why would anyone say that?   And yet, that is what a friend asked me last night over dinner.  First, it's soooooo inappropriate to ask someone about their finances and money.  Second, describing this process as "buying a baby" made me want to punch him as well.  Ugh.  Our surrogate is helping us to conceive...we didn't go to the store to pick one off the shelf.  
  3. "What's her salary?" - referring to our surrogate.  She's not a paid employee.  Again, it's rude to discuss anything of the sort.  And yes, because she's doing this out of the graciousness of her heart...we want to repay her as best we can.  Let's leave it at that.  
  4. "Are you afraid she's going to keep the baby?"  - No, I'm not afraid of that.  She has 4 children of her own and also, that is what lawyers and contracts are for.  Besides, see #1...she's not the mother.   And even if I was...why would you say something like that and put that energy out there?  
*Sigh* Having a baby via surrogacy requires thick skin and a lot of fortitude.  Hats off to all the other intended moms and their surrogates out there!  (Meanwhile, this list isn't even speaking to the comments that B gets as well.  One of the recent ones was a simple, "You're pregnant....AGAIN!"  Hahah!!  She was at least able to retort, "Yes, but it's not my baby this time!"


  1. Stay strong and learn to just nod and smile. lol! They do have ridiculous comments!!!! You just learn that they aren't important. Can't believe you guys are in the 2nd trimester!! YAY! Can't wait to see another u/s pic and to hear what you are having!!

    1. I know!! Can't believe we're in the second tm! Although when I counted the 6 more months to go, I got a little crazy again. This whole thing is such a waiting game. Better to try and keep your mind on something else, I find. Good thing I have a lot of work travel coming up this summer.

      I can't wait to hear how everything goes with your upcoming transfer though! Something else for me to look forward to!

  2. LOVE this post!!!!! #1 still occurs with our kids and i want to strangle people!!!!!